Your first impression about someone is your first presumption about them. ‘Too many smiles’ from someone results in you equating them to ‘too much of a nice person’; ‘ A Blank expression’ equates to a ‘rude, arrogant personality’. Its human tendency, we all create assumptions and presumptions about people. Most people have their guard on at all times. They believe that it is extremely important to guard their emotional and mental well-being. Physical wounds heal, but emotional scars take time. This constant need to be protective and never letting their guard down makes some feel that, “we can’t be too nice”. A world filled with people ready to put you down, being ‘nice’ seems like the only way they can get to you.
Well, that’s the misconception.
“Nice people” aren’t cheated, “Naïve people” are. What do I mean by that?
By nice I mean well, you’re interested in goodwill – Someone who isn’t adamant on creating bad vibes for someone else, someone who fosters a ‘do good, get good’ mentality. That’s how I define nice. Everyone has their own definitions. But some believe that being nice creates trouble. Some believe that you’re sort of saying that “If I’m nice, I’m saying that it’s okay for someone to take advantage of me.” That’s too much negativity and you need to stop.
Naïve is usually defined as “lacking the wisdom to deal with worldly matters, lacking sophistication and tact to deal with important stuff.” That is why naïve people get cheated. Because they do not know how to process what’s happening around them and act accordingly. A rational approach is missing in their actions.‘Nice’ is not a synonym for ‘naïve.’ Being nice is a skill in its own way. It’s tactful and requires a lot of patience. I’ll give you an example.
Sometimes, we believe that when introverts come out, they’re ‘too nice’- they’re too nice in their approach towards life. The presumption is that they don’t have practical people skills because of their lack of social interaction. Well, there’s the flaw of equating ‘naïve’ to ‘niceness’. Introverts are intelligent people. They listen to what people don’t say. They read body languages, ideologies and thought processes. They’re the masters of individualism. They will never directly tell you that, “Hey, this is something that you do and it’s sort of disturbing.” Instead, they will tell you what’s bothering them in such a way that will bring out the better person in you. It’s an subconscious act.
Contrastingly, if you observe extroverts, you’ll understand that they’re conveying so little by telling you so much. They’re outspoken, but very private about personal feelings and goals. They’re the intelligent ones again. Now, if you counter-argue and state that there are extroverted people who in the first meeting narrate their life story, you know that they’re the naïve ones and it’s not their niceness that makes you feel this way, but their naivete.
Why should you know the difference? Well, because there are times you hold yourself from being nice. Sometimes we conclude that goodwill leads to only self-destruction because we let our guard down. We won’t be wise enough if we do so. Humanity requires ‘niceness’. Humanity requires this tact, this skill of endurance and patience. Niceness leads to satisfaction; ‘Naivete’ leads to experiences.
You learn either way and it’s okay to be nice even when someone warns you against it.